The Perfect Man.... for me at least!

A couple of days ago, my husband came home from work, and as always we went through the typical, “How was your day?” type of conversations. Walking away from our conversation, I realized just how much I love him and why.

While he was at work, a lot of the guys he works with were bashing their wives, which apparently is kind of the norm at that place. One of his coworkers started talking to him about how uncomfortable she is in a room full of men like that. She stated that she hates the fact they put no value in the institution of marriage. Then she proceeded to tell him how she’s noticed he is very different from that type of guy. She said she has never heard him say one negative thing about his wife. His response was, “Of course I would never talk about my wife in that way. I love her and she is my best friend!” When I heard about that conversation, the biggest smile spread across my face. I have always known how much Drew loves me, but it was awesome to hear that people around him notice too!

The conversation about my day went a little differently. I made the mistake of posting a status on facebook that didn’t clearly illustrate the point I was trying to make and I was completely misunderstood. I came off as insensitive, when that wasn’t my intention. As a result, I managed to make at least three people very angry, and I woke up to some pretty nasty comments all over my facebook wall. I was so upset I was in tears, not only because of what was said, but because of who had made the comments! Of course I immediately deleted everything these people said and did my best to apologize and correct what I was trying to say. I felt that if these people had truly gotten to know me over the years they would realize what a big heart I actually have and how sensitive I am to others’ feelings. I made an error in judgment and wasn’t clear enough in my thoughts (as a side note: lesson learned). I honestly can’t even remember most of what was said to me, but one comment was saved to my email, so I read it over and over and over again throughout most of the morning, which really only made it worse.  When I shared what had happened with Drew, his response was, “What is THAT all about?” He was obviously just as shocked as I was that his own family would say such things to me, out of anger. Then he gave me a big hug and that was that. He didn’t overreact and immediately jump down this person’s throat in my defense. He didn’t say anything hateful in return.  He just told me he was sorry that it happened and we moved on. Minutes later we were laughing, and I was feeling 100% better.  That is another reason I love him so much. He has never said anything to anyone, especially a woman, that would embarrass me or make his mother think less of him (because that is how I always measure what a person says/does….What would your mother say if she knew you ______________?). He doesn’t overreact or use curse words. He is level-headed and even-tempered. The only time he ever really shows any aggression is on the ice rink (he’s a hockey player)!  Aside from disciplining our child, I can’t even think of a time that he has raised his voice.

So my thoughts today are mostly about what I think MAKES a man, and why I have such a great one!  

I couldn’t start talking about my husband without first giving credit to my father. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have been raised in the home I was. Not all children have a solid example of who they should seek in a mate, but I did. My dad is someone I consider to be a very wise, grounded and knowledgeable Christian man. He and my mom both did an excellent job raising my sister and me, but this is about the men in my life, so I will mostly be speaking about him. The two points I will mostly touch on are the fact that I never questioned his love for my mom and I never questioned his love for us.

Although I am not an expert at parenting, in my opinion one of the most important things you can do is show your love towards your spouse, in a way that your kids can see. My dad always made it a point to show affection (in an appropriate way of course) towards my mom so that his daughters could see. He treated my mom with respect, never screaming at her or speaking down to her. I’m not going to say they never fought, but their disagreements were rarely even noticeable to us. In the early years of my childhood, my mom worked full time, so my dad helped her A LOT around the house and with us girls. The fact that he didn’t walk in the door from his way over 40 hour work week and plop his behind on the couch in front of the television left the biggest impression on me. I can remember many nights that the three of us girls walked in the door to a freshly cleaned kitchen floor or bathroom or living room or whatever, with dinner either started or on the table. He always helped my mom with dishes, regardless of who cooked (until my sister and I were old enough to take on that task). He helped a lot in getting us ready for bed, to include bath time, brushing teeth and reading/telling stories, and he even helped get us ready in the morning (which is a huge reason I learned to use a curling iron when I was 5! LOL but he tried really hard!). Although he was probably completely exhausted from his own job, he never acted like it was a burden to help out my mom. Not much has really changed since we’ve both grown up and moved out of their house. In fact, whenever he has the chance he does the same for us girls as adults. He has changed countless numbers of his grandchildren’s diapers, given many baths, read lots of stories and played some of the most ridiculous games for hours on end to give my sister and me a break.

That brings me to my next point – I always knew how much he loved me. My sister and I are four years apart, and while you would think two little girls could easily play together, we rarely did. We didn’t really share any of the same interests, and it wasn’t until we were teenagers that we even started to like each other! (Now we are very close, so I can look back at all the times she was so horrible to me and laugh…. but that’s probably worth a whole different blog post!) Who do you think stepped up when I needed a playmate? My dad. My earliest memories are of tea parties and playing dolls with my dad. He was always very patient and never made me feel that he was too busy for me. He turned horrible experiences like my sister’s bi-weekly allergy shot appointments into a fun time together by letting us pick out as many different books we wanted in the waiting room and reading with us then taking us to get an ice cream cone afterwards. He tried his very best to get us both interested in the activities he loved, so I can remember many trips out to the “hills” for fishing in the canoe or trapping. Of course the parts I remember most are stopping at the gas station on the way out of town for a box of Jolly Joes (the purple Mike and Ikes which are my FAVE) and a bottle of Clearly Canadian Sparkling Water (which were equally delicious and I haven’t seen in probably 15 years!). So you can see which parts really stuck with me over the years, lol, but he DID manage to make me a pretty good shot with rifles/shotguns/pistols, which I have come to appreciate more recently than I ever did back then! He always believed in me and encouraged me to follow my dreams and set goals that I felt might be slightly out of reach, so I would work hard to achieve them. More than anything though, I knew he loved me, because he did his very best to make sure I grew up to love the Lord. This meant making sure we were in bible class and worship every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday evening too. He helped us memorize our bible verses and prayed with us daily. He always did his best to show us through example how to be a Christian.

In my opinion, it should be every girl’s goal to grow up and marry a man just like her dad (granted of course, she had a good dad!). My dad set the bar pretty high, and I am so grateful for that! I didn’t settle for less than I deserved. I can count the number of boys I dated, or even showed interest in on, one hand, because I wasn’t just looking for a good time, I was looking for the kind of person I would marry.

In all my very careful selection, I never would have guessed in a million years that I would find that kind of person in my high school accounting class, in my very small town, sitting across the table from me. To be honest with you, I didn’t exactly find that kind of person in the beginning. I found a friend that I really enjoyed talking to and, okay, you can call it flirting. He was infatuated with me, but I was a little more hesitant. (Actually to this day, I’m not exactly sure WHY he was so interested in me…. I was a little guarded and constantly complained about the smell of the maple donuts he always ate…..maybe it was just the challenge that he found so appealing)  Either way, I agreed to go to a movie with him and I definitely was attracted to his good looks and personality. We started spending a lot of time together and after less than a week, we were in love.

We talked a LOT on the phone and spent a LOT of time together. We became extremely close, and he was so easy for me to love. This is where I have to pause and give credit to my in-laws. They raised a son with a great personality. He is easy to talk to, easy to get along with and very polite (although incredibly shy until you get to know him…but he is slowly growing out of that). He has a sense of humor and positive attitude that never let a frown stick around on anyone’s face for too long! All of these are traits I see in his mom as well, so I’m going to give her most of the credit for those things. However, sports played a huge role in his childhood (specifically baseball and hockey, although he’s tried it all and I doubt there’s physical activity that he isn’t naturally perfect at! Ha!), and his dad was a big part of that. I will give him the credit for Drew’s discipline, determination and respectfulness.

With a guy like that, most girls wouldn’t hesitate at all to commit, but I knew that there was more he was capable of and more that I wanted from him. It was a pretty long drawn out process before we were married, but eventually after a lot of discussion, studying, and influence from much better examples than me, he finally saw the small piece of the puzzle that actually meant the most to me. Drew was baptized (by my dad) exactly one week before our wedding. I knew then that I was safe to leave my dad’s arms for Drew’s.

We are both far from perfect, or even where we want to be as Christians, but the point is that we are working towards a goal, together.

There’s a book Drew really likes (and I have read as well) called “How to Hit a Curve Ball, Grill the Perfect Steak, and Become a Real Man” by Stephen James and David Thomas (who have also written several other books we LOVE). When we question what it means to be a real man, I like this answer the best.

     “If the goal of masculinity is an increasing authenticity through the work in our lives of love, faith, and hope, then the art of authentic manhood is something we will be practicing for the rest of our lives. In other words, maybe real manhood is a continual process of becoming, rather than something we attain, say around the age of eighteen, twenty-one, or whatever age you want to suggest. Maybe that is what the Bible means when it talks about working out our salvation with fear and trembling. We will never get this thing completely right, but that’s by design. Becoming an artist is a life-long process, and we will be learning how to be ‘real men’ for   the rest of our days.” (18)  (I couldn't get this to format properly, so yes I am aware that my quote is referenced incorrectly LOL....)

My true point in all this babbling is not that I found or married a perfect man. Instead, I married a man who loves me enough to try and be that man and will forever work at being a better man. THAT is why I am so in love with him and THAT is why he is such a blessing in my life!!!

Here are some verses to close with, since I wasn’t going for one specific idea here, but a combination of many (There’s a lot, because I found a LOT that I liked…they are sort of in order of relevance to what I was writing about):

 “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” 1 Peter 3:7

“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:8

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  Ephesians 5:22-31

 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

“Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:5-9

“The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor.” Proverbs 15:33

 “Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” Mark 16:16

 “Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed-not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence-continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” Philippians 2:12-13 (This is the verse referenced in the quote from the book)

 “Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed” 1 Peter 1: 13

Who knew I was so "un-PC"?? & Forgiveness

Just to make sure we’re all on the same page here, I want to start today’s blog with my own little personal disclaimer. I never would have considered defending myself to my journal, but since I might have an audience (few in number I am sure), I should probably cover all my bases.  Recently I was attacked on Facebook by someone (a family member!) who basically told me I was the stupidest, most annoying drama queen of all his “friends” who posts the most “attention seeking crap”. This person told me I should be ashamed of myself for being such a hypocrite and putting myself on a pedestal above everyone else. My initial reaction was of course shock! I had no idea he was keeping a tally of everything I had ever posted in the last 4 years and I had no idea it bothered him that much! My next reaction was to question why he didn’t simply delete me years ago if it’s been so unbearable to read what I write about! Obviously I was very hurt by these comments, not only because I felt they were very hateful, but it’s never ever been my intention to put myself on a pedestal or talk down to anyone. I felt incredibly misunderstood, and like I failed to portray the point I really wanted to make! I don’t intentionally try to hurt people. Please know that my goal with this blog is to simply get some of my feelings out and learn something from myself. I’m not trying to teach or preach to anyone, and I will not claim to have all or even ANY of the right answers! This blog is mostly for me, but my hope is that it can also be used by others, if for no other reason, for comic relief! Please feel free to ignore me and quit reading or even go so far as to delete me at any time (of course that mainly applies to facebook….I suppose the proper term for blogging is “un-follow me”, but I am pretty new at this LOL)!

On to the point….. J

Yesterday in Bible class we were discussing forgiveness. The “opener” to the lesson was a story of four teenagers. Three young men were killed in an automobile accident when they chose to get into a vehicle with an intoxicated young woman driving. At the boys’ funerals, their parents pleaded with those mourning to not blame her for their deaths, but to forgive her and work to raise awareness about making good choices. The boys’ parents all said they forgave the young lady and realized their sons made choices that night too. They committed themselves to move forward with an attitude of love towards the girl, who would now forever face the consequences of her decisions that night. This reaction goes against any human’s natural instinct. It’s much more difficult to forgive someone than to be bitter and hold a grudge, but it’s also more rewarding and better for both of you in the long run.

I felt like this lesson came at the perfect time, because I have been struggling with forgiveness for quite a while now. I don’t want to mention any names, out of respect, but recently I have been hurt by a family member. I have been struggling to try and mend a relationship that’s been a little rocky over the past seven years. The biggest struggle I am having is that I don’t know exactly what is happening or why our relationship always seems to be falling apart. Emotions such as jealousy and pride seem to be a huge stumbling block for us, and I am also not entirely sure that this person is even aware of how I feel or how much I have been hurt. Obviously communication is a huge barrier for us as well. That and the fact that sometimes I feel (whether it’s accurate or not) that I am the only one who actually cares enough to want to fix everything. When people don’t wear their emotions on their sleeve (like I do…LOL) it’s hard for me to read them and know what they even want! After shedding many tears on my husband’s shoulders, he finally just told me recently that I need to be the bigger person in this situation. If I want to make a relationship work between us, I have to be the one who is always trying harder. In this situation, this means closing old wounds from years ago, and forgiving without ever receiving apologies. Of course there are always two sides to a relationship, so I know I have probably hurt this other person as well.

So taking it back to class, we discussed a lot of different verses in the bible, but a few really stuck.

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” – Matthew 6:14-15 I have never pretended to be perfect, and there’s a list of things I’ve done (that’s WAY too long!!) that have required God’s love and forgiveness. How can I even ask that from him, when I’m hesitant or even unwilling to do the same for the people I love?

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” – Colossians 3:12-14 I wear the name Christian and want to have a truly loving heart, so I need to start acting like it!

So after some reflection, I decided what I really want is a REAL relationship with this person. I want to be able to call this person on the phone without any awkwardness. I want to love this person and feel loved in return. I want to be a good example to my sons, so they will grow to be the men they should be. This is me, putting it in writing, for my own records, that I am dedicated to mending this relationship and making a solid effort. I know that sort of sounds ridiculous, but I need a way to hold myself accountable. I want to remember these verses as motivation to keep doing the right thing, even when it’s frustrating!

I also found a few quotes online that I liked:

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

“Forgiveness is the oil of relationships”

Second Child Syndrome

I often joke with my parents about everything I “endured” being the neglected second child. I’m sure others can relate to the overall lack of love a second child feels from parents who are too exhausted by the first child! Haha! So recently I was discussing with my mom how bad I feel for Cameron. Basically the only new things he will be getting is clothes, since I got rid of all of Houston’s, never planning to need them again!( However, I started saving them around the 18 month mark, thinking if I saved boy clothes, maybe someday I would have a girl! HA!) In reality though I am happy that Houston will have a playmate (who he will hopefully be nicer to than my sister was to me!), and it IS nice that they will share things like Legos and the train set. My children are VERY blessed to have almost ALL of their grandparents and great-grandparents still living (which translates into LOTS of TOYS!!), so hopefully by having 2 boys, we won’t need 3 closets to hold all their toys!

Anyway, my mom recently mailed me a copy of a sign one of our friends made for her back in the day and I had to share it!

There is absolutely nothing so sweet as a little baby, especially the second one. Mother’s whole attitude has changed – she now has learned the art of rearing children. To think of all the unnecessary energy and money she has wasted on the first!

FIRST CHILD                                                                                                         SECOND CHILD
Beautiful layette……………………………………………………………………………………..Trip to attic
Weight taken every day…………………………………………………………………Feel leg once a month
Sneeze? Call the doctor!........................................................................Pneumonia? Asprin
Powder every 19 minutes…………………………………………………………………Grease every month
Everything sterilized……………………………………………………………………………….Sucks bones
Waked up for visitors……………………………………………………………………………..No visitors come
Diapers changed when wet……………………………………………………………………Good swimmer
Buggy rides…………………………………………………………………………………………….Open the window
“He’s 9 months, 3 days, 2 hours old”……………………………………………”Born in August…I think”
Snapshots in album……………………………………………………………………………….Blank pages
Psychology book…………………………………………………………………………………….Daddy’s belt
“She’s crying”……………………………………………………………………………………”Turn up the TV”
Father no help at all…………………………………………………………………………Father no help at all
Bags under mother’s eyes………………………………………………………………Baby cries in the night
“Shhh, he’s asleep”……………………………………………………………………………”Let’s throw a party!”
Play pen………………………………………………………………………………………………Neighborhood
“Don’t let her out of sight”……………………………………………”She’ll be home when she’s hungry”

-Author Unknown-

So poor little Cameron will have to suffer from “Second Child Syndrome” just like his poor neglected mother!

The Lord Giveth...

In the past few weeks, I’ve had a lot on my mind regarding the upcoming events of life that will forever change our family. Without going into a whole lot of detail, I will say that the biggest event will be the birth of our second child.

This is going to be a long post today, because before I get started, I’m going to give a brief history of how we got to this point in our lives.

Drew and I met in the fall of 2005, my last semester of high school. We started dating over Christmas break, and I never returned to school. I call him my high school sweetheart, but I guess that isn’t totally true. Anyway…he didn’t graduate until May 2007 and we were married in July of 2007.

Before he would marry us, our preacher gave us a premarital counseling workbook to fill out together (then he met with us later to further discuss and work out any issues). The biggest point of this workbook was to open communication lines about difficult topics we would face in our marriage. One of the topics was the number of children we each desired and when we planned to have them. We decided we wanted to wait four years before trying to have any children.

I can’t remember exactly how the conversations went or the specific reasons why, but that idea flew out the window pretty much immediately after we were married. We just couldn’t wait to start a beautiful little family. Of course, life didn’t go exactly how we planned. The army was partially to blame for our obstacles, but we also discovered through fertility testing that it would be nearly impossible to conceive on our own.  Many of the doctors and nurses looked at us like we were crazy when they found out our age and the fact that not only were we trying to get pregnant, but we were willing to do just about anything to make sure it happened. For a long time we kept very quiet about our desires and our struggles, and it’s still not something I feel 100% comfortable discussing.

However, you all know that story has a happy ending because obviously we are the proud parents of a 2 ½ year old. We truly consider him to be a gift from God, because in reality, it shouldn’t have been that easy for us! We are so grateful for him and the fact that we didn’t spend years in the infertility clinic.

I was 100% content with one child and certain that I never wanted to go through all of that again. Also, I went back to college and had the dreams of a dental hygiene degree in front of me. Another child would only complicate everything. Anytime the topic came up, Drew would agree to whatever I said, realizing that I truly do a lot of the parenting on my own, due to his job.

About a year and a half ago, I started having a lot of health issues. Scary words like Ovarian Cancer started surfacing in conversations with doctors. At the time I just wanted “everything” taken out and to be done with all the issues. However, no doctor is willing to do that to a 23 year old woman unless it is an absolute necessity. After about 5 months of pain, testing, poking and prodding, I was thankfully given a clean bill of health and we were able to resolve all of the issues.

 As you can imagine, the conversation of more children came up A LOT during this time, and I started to notice the heartache in my husband’s eyes. I always knew he wanted more children, but he was willing to sacrifice his wishes to keep me happy. (I really married a stellar guy, if I haven’t told you all 1000 times already!) So after a change of heart on my side, we had literally a five minute conversation that ended in our agreement to try again. However, we also agreed that if it was meant to be, it would be. Neither one of us were willing to pursue to the route we previously took. So we decided to leave it all up to God. This might be a little too much information, but literally one month later, right after our 4 year wedding anniversary, we found out I was pregnant!

While we were both VERY excited, neither one of us were expecting results so soon! After a few months of disbelief and denial, I finally accepted the fact that this was really happening. However, I still have a lot weighing on my mind in regards to the timing. My husband is currently attending one of the Army’s   (well technically Navy’s…) most challenging schools, with an extremely high attrition rate. While we are thrilled he will (hopefully) get to be there for the birth of this child (he was in Afghanistan when Houston was born), newborns don’t exactly make things easier on an already exhausted and mentally drained father. Also, his 10 days of paternity leave, which are usually a welcome treat to a new mom, will set him back further and put him in with a different set of peers approximately halfway through the course. I should also add that although he is physically here, between the hours of 4:40 AM and about 6:00 PM he is totally unreachable via cell phone or anything else….which might not seem like a big deal, but you’d be surprised how many issues arise during those hours that a simple text or phone call could fix almost immediately. That’s really a minor annoyance and inconvenience to me though. More than anything, I am feeling guilty for the stress he will be under.

This brings me back to the point of today’s post…. Here I am feeling scared to death and completely stressed out over having a second child for the above reasons and a long list of more that I won’t go into detail about….

Last night the season finale of 19 Kids and Counting was on TV. Although I don’t watch the show regularly, I like to watch it when I can catch it. (Don’t judge too harshly!! LOL) Drew rolls his eyes every time I turn it on, but he sits there and watches it with me! While I don’t agree with ALL of their views, for the most part I feel they are right on target. It’s refreshing to watch a reality TV show with positive messages and a faith based family behind the cameras. For those of you who don’t watch or know what has happened to them recently, they are in the mid-40’s with 19 kids. Michelle, the mom, was expecting her 20^th child. At her midpoint ultrasound it was discovered that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. Three days later she gave birth to the body of a little girl, about 18 weeks old, who they named Jubilee. As I watched the episode with tear-filled eyes, I was in awe of how they were handling the situation. They kept saying “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord” (a translation of Job 1:21, which the NIV translates as “….The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised”).  In this episode they had a memorial service for their daughter and said goodbye. Throughout all of this, although they were mourning a loss, they remained positive and kept thanking God for the gift of her life, even though it was so short.

Needless to say, this really shook me out of the funk I have been in lately. For whatever reason, God has blessed Drew and me with two sons, and his timing is always the right timing. Although I might be stressing over issues such as our financial situation, I trust that the Lord will find a way for us. He always has, and trust me, we’ve been in situations worse than this before! I will continue to pray for my husband and his success at school, however I know if this new career path isn’t God’s will for him, then we must accept it too. Any changes in life are scary, so I’m not going to say that I’m totally at ease with the new tasks I will be undertaking soon as a mother of two. However, I know I can get through it, and I’m actually starting to get really excited.

For those who are so eager to ask, “Is this it?” all I am willing to say is, “We’ll see”. J

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” James 1:17

Feeling Blessed at the Beach

We have lived here in Florida for close to six weeks now, and honestly the time has flown by! We are almost completely settled into our house and are becoming more familiar with our surrounding area.

This afternoon we decided to enjoy the nice 80 degree weather at the beach, which is a short 15-30 minute drive from our house, depending on which beach we choose. The water here is absolutely breathtaking – aqua blue and crystal clear! The sand is soft and white and adds to the beauty. Since we came from North Carolina, where neither is really the case, and loved the beaches there, you can imagine this is like heaven! Today we chose the first public beach we came to on Okaloosa Island, so it isn’t too far into the tourist areas and it isn’t exclusively military (which is another option here….).

I enjoyed the first 40 minutes or so of our stay relaxing in my beach chair and reading a book, while Drew kept Houston occupied. Then a group of four military wives, alone with their children, claimed their spot about 8 feet away from me, completely within hearing distance.

If you know me even a little bit, you know that I am very selective in which military wives I socialize and associate myself with. Just because our husbands work together, doesn’t mean I want to or have to be your best friend. I have very good reasons for doing this, although it may come off a little snobby to some. I choose my friends based on similar interests and values. There can be far too much competition and cattiness in groups of women, neither of which I have a desire to take part in. Also, if you know both of us as a couple, you know that we don’t usually advertise the fact that my husband is in the military. It’s his job, not the only thing that defines us….

As I was reading, and involuntarily eavesdropping to their conversations, several topics really started to bother me. The discussion started out with one of them asking if another’s husband had made it to the next promotion level yet. (Competition….) Rank is a tricky and tacky subject matter, in my opinion. I listened to them gossip about their husbands’ duty assignments and coworkers’ wives for quite a while….

Then one of the other women, who moved here from the same place in NC that we did, started whining about being here. Now this may come off as hypocritical on my part, since I have done my share of complaining about the circumstances. However, most of that stemmed from the fact that I moved here and set up ALONE  (which we found out isn’t nearly as easy as you might think). A hormonal woman in a completely new place, without her husband’s help in dealing with the military issues, is allowed a few breakdowns.  Anyway…. Her main complaint was that all we have here is the beach. She misses the shopping we had in Fayetteville and the surrounding areas in NC. This I found to be comical! I will admit there are a few stores Fayetteville had that I truly miss (Hobby Lobby, Salon Centric, and Babies R Us), but those stores are only an hour away from here, in Pensacola, and there are so many MORE stores within a shorter distance! There is a mall in Mary Esther that is much nicer, in my opinion, than Fayetteville. It has almost all the same stores, and I wouldn’t be afraid of a shooting in the parking lot on Black Friday!! There is a pretty big outdoor mall in Destin with variety I would equate to Raleigh, and whatever you can’t find there is located just a little further at the outlet mall in Sandestin. So I am not sure exactly where she shops, but that was definitely an entertaining complaint.  A few phrases came to mind as I listened to her….Bloom where you are planted. Look on the bright side. Make the most of every situation (or in her case duty station!!).

Then the conversation turned to one of the women who was noticeably far along in her pregnancy. They started discussing baby showers and family members who would and wouldn’t be coming. I listened to this woman complain for quite a while about her husband and mother-in-law. She told the others her mother-in-law would be coming to visit and started listing off everything that drives her crazy about her being there. I won’t go into great detail, but this particular complaint hit close to home for me. Granted, we all have troubles with our in-laws and even our “blood” family, but that’s what makes a family normal! I am actually very sad for my mother-in-law because she won’t be able to come down after Cameron is born. Since I don’t know when or even IF we will get to visit Wyoming this year, I have no idea when she will even get to meet her new grandson.

So, to wrap all this up, my point was that today I was feeling 100% grateful for everything in my life right now. A positive attitude can totally change a person’s perspective. Of course most of you have heard me complain about the weird military rules here we aren’t used to, the higher cost of living, etc, but now that I have opened my eyes, I am realizing what a blessing it is for us to be here. We will only be here until the end of the year, but we’ve already made some great new friends, we found a wonderful church to worship with, and we are getting to enjoy, in my opinion, some of God’s most beautiful creations! I intend to make the most of the situation God has put me in! I know sometimes I probably sound just like those women at the beach, who had virtually nothing positive to talk about, but it’s my goal to live my life with a smile and a cheerful heart. I want people to remember my laugh, not my scowl!

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18