Accountable

Today Drew and I were running a little late for bible class….as usual….despite all of our very best efforts lately, there is always something that makes us late….well, actually it isn’t too hard to figure out. We have 2 children under the age of 3! It really wasn’t that late, probably only 2 minutes, but by the time we got Houston settled down and in his bible class, we were definitely in late status! In an attempt to find our usual class, we stumbled into what seems to be a really great class about marriage. I think we will stay there this quarter.

                One of the ideas we talked about today was how your spouse should be your best friend and, over time, you grow to love that person on a much deeper level than when you “fell in love”. You grow in love. Some examples: You can enjoy each other’s company without anything physical, you know you belong with that person and that God gave them to you, and you start knowing how the other person thinks.

                Drew and I have been together almost 7 years now, and even after that short of a time, in the span of a lifetime, I can see how much we have changed and how much our love has matured. We have faced and survived some things I never would have imagined back then. He has definitely seen me at my worst, and somehow decided it was still better to stick around. I’m so thankful for him weathering the storms so far. It’s made us stronger and I know we probably haven’t faced the worst yet.

                Lately, although it doesn’t seem like the biggest deal to most people, I have really really been struggling with my body. This probably seems a little vain and superficial to most people, but I have struggled with my body shape and size pretty much my entire life, and I was bullied a lot in junior high, by some extremely mean boys. When people say things enough, you start to believe them. So anyway, it’s always been a sensitive topic to me. I have never looked like a model…I’m thrilled when my clothing size is in the single digits! While I was pregnant with Cameron, I only gained like 25 pounds, which is pretty normal, but I am having the hardest time getting that last 10 to come off. ALL of my clothes are snugger than I would like, and I just can’t get my normal shape back, even with eating healthy and exercising. I’m not just sitting around, so it’s very frustrating that my body won’t do what I want it to!

                A couple of weeks ago, while I was shopping with Drew I just started crying in the dressing room. I put all the clothes back on the rack and walked out of the store. He was both a little confused and frustrated. I say frustrated, because he constantly tells me how beautiful I am….so why don’t I ever listen? That was the gist of the conversation we had once we got out to the car. Then I got really upset, because lately I don’t even feel like a beautiful person on the inside.

                Just as most guys’ minds are wired, Drew is always looking for a solution. That very night he pulled me off the couch and put in a beach body workout (Insanity….if you are wondering which one). We have been going strong for a couple weeks now, and I can honestly say there have never been so many days I wanted to kill him….at least in a row! Haha! It’s definitely an insane workout series, but I feel pretty good because it’s kicking his butt too! We usually do the workout immediately when he gets home from work, so for him that’s immediately after doing PT. He told me that I am his only motivation to come home and work out for a second time each day. I told him he is my only motivation for doing it at all! It’s amazing what you will stay motivated to do, when you have someone holding you accountable.

                As for the “beautiful on the inside” part, I felt there was no better place to start then back at the basics. We have started reading our bibles together every night. Although this is something we both occasionally did on our own, it’s been a long time since we sat down and made a point to do this with each other. We do this after the boys go to bed, before we go to bed, and I absolutely love that time together.  We’ve always known it’s something we SHOULD do on a daily basis, but it’s easy to get distracted and lose track of what is really important. I don’t want to say I don’t enjoy reading the bible, but it’s definitely MORE enjoyable together.     

                In my most vulnerable moments, when I am feeling my most self-conscious, I can always count on Drew to love me in just the right way.  I’ve got my best friend at my side, holding me accountable for my life.