A couple of days ago, my husband came home from work, and as always we
went through the typical, “How was your day?” type of conversations. Walking
away from our conversation, I realized just how much I love him and why.
While he was at work, a lot of the guys he works with were
bashing their wives, which apparently is kind of the norm at that place. One of
his coworkers started talking to him about how uncomfortable she is in a room
full of men like that. She stated that she hates the fact they put no value in
the institution of marriage. Then she proceeded to tell him how she’s noticed
he is very different from that type of guy. She said she has never heard him
say one negative thing about his wife. His response was, “Of course I would
never talk about my wife in that way. I love her and she is my best friend!”
When I heard about that conversation, the biggest smile spread across my face. I
have always known how much Drew loves me, but it was awesome to hear that
people around him notice too!
The conversation about my day went a little differently. I
made the mistake of posting a status on facebook that didn’t clearly illustrate
the point I was trying to make and I was completely misunderstood. I came off
as insensitive, when that wasn’t my intention. As a result, I managed to make
at least three people very angry, and I woke up to some pretty nasty comments
all over my facebook wall. I was so upset I was in tears, not only because of
what was said, but because of who had made the comments! Of course I
immediately deleted everything these people said and did my best to apologize
and correct what I was trying to say. I felt that if these people had truly
gotten to know me over the years they would realize what a big heart I actually
have and how sensitive I am to others’ feelings. I made an error in judgment
and wasn’t clear enough in my thoughts (as a side note: lesson learned). I
honestly can’t even remember most of what was said to me, but one comment was
saved to my email, so I read it over and over and over again throughout most of
the morning, which really only made it worse. When I shared what had happened with Drew, his
response was, “What is THAT all about?” He was obviously just as shocked as I
was that his own family would say such things to me, out of anger. Then he gave
me a big hug and that was that. He didn’t overreact and immediately jump down
this person’s throat in my defense. He didn’t say anything hateful in
return. He just told me he was sorry
that it happened and we moved on. Minutes later we were laughing, and I was
feeling 100% better. That is another
reason I love him so much. He has never said anything to anyone, especially a
woman, that would embarrass me or make his mother think less of him (because that
is how I always measure what a person says/does….What would your mother say if
she knew you ______________?). He doesn’t overreact or use curse words. He is
level-headed and even-tempered. The only time he ever really shows any
aggression is on the ice rink (he’s a hockey player)! Aside from disciplining our child, I can’t
even think of a time that he has raised his voice.
So my thoughts today are mostly about what I think MAKES a
man, and why I have such a great one!
I couldn’t start talking about my husband without first
giving credit to my father. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have been
raised in the home I was. Not all children have a solid example of who they
should seek in a mate, but I did. My dad is someone I consider to be a very
wise, grounded and knowledgeable Christian man. He and my mom both did an
excellent job raising my sister and me, but this is about the men in my life,
so I will mostly be speaking about him. The two points I will mostly touch on
are the fact that I never questioned his love for my mom and I never questioned
his love for us.
Although I am not an expert at parenting, in my opinion one
of the most important things you can do is show your love towards your spouse,
in a way that your kids can see. My dad always made it a point to show
affection (in an appropriate way of course) towards my mom so that his
daughters could see. He treated my mom with respect, never screaming at her or
speaking down to her. I’m not going to say they never fought, but their disagreements
were rarely even noticeable to us. In the early years of my childhood, my mom
worked full time, so my dad helped her A LOT around the house and with us
girls. The fact that he didn’t walk in the door from his way over 40 hour work
week and plop his behind on the couch in front of the television left the
biggest impression on me. I can remember many nights that the three of us girls
walked in the door to a freshly cleaned kitchen floor or bathroom or living
room or whatever, with dinner either started or on the table. He always helped
my mom with dishes, regardless of who cooked (until my sister and I were old
enough to take on that task). He helped a lot in getting us ready for bed, to
include bath time, brushing teeth and reading/telling stories, and he even
helped get us ready in the morning (which is a huge reason I learned to use a
curling iron when I was 5! LOL but he tried really hard!). Although he was
probably completely exhausted from his own job, he never acted like it was a
burden to help out my mom. Not much has really changed since we’ve both grown
up and moved out of their house. In fact, whenever he has the chance he does
the same for us girls as adults. He has changed countless numbers of his
grandchildren’s diapers, given many baths, read lots of stories and played some
of the most ridiculous games for hours on end to give my sister and me a break.
That brings me to my next point – I always knew how much he
loved me. My sister and I are four years apart, and while you would think two
little girls could easily play together, we rarely did. We didn’t really share
any of the same interests, and it wasn’t until we were teenagers that we even
started to like each other! (Now we are very close, so I can look back at all
the times she was so horrible to me and laugh…. but that’s probably worth a
whole different blog post!) Who do you think stepped up when I needed a
playmate? My dad. My earliest memories are of tea parties and playing dolls
with my dad. He was always very patient and never made me feel that he was too
busy for me. He turned horrible experiences like my sister’s bi-weekly allergy
shot appointments into a fun time together by letting us pick out as many
different books we wanted in the waiting room and reading with us then taking us
to get an ice cream cone afterwards. He tried his very best to get us both
interested in the activities he loved, so I can remember many trips out to the
“hills” for fishing in the canoe or trapping. Of course the parts I remember
most are stopping at the gas station on the way out of town for a box of Jolly
Joes (the purple Mike and Ikes which are my FAVE) and a bottle of Clearly
Canadian Sparkling Water (which were equally delicious and I haven’t seen in
probably 15 years!). So you can see which parts really stuck with me over the
years, lol, but he DID manage to make me a pretty good shot with
rifles/shotguns/pistols, which I have come to appreciate more recently than I
ever did back then! He always believed in me and encouraged me to follow my
dreams and set goals that I felt might be slightly out of reach, so I would
work hard to achieve them. More than anything though, I knew he loved me,
because he did his very best to make sure I grew up to love the Lord. This
meant making sure we were in bible class and worship every Sunday morning,
Sunday night and Wednesday evening too. He helped us memorize our bible verses
and prayed with us daily. He always did his best to show us through example how
to be a Christian.
In my opinion, it should be every girl’s goal to grow up and
marry a man just like her dad (granted of course, she had a good dad!). My dad
set the bar pretty high, and I am so grateful for that! I didn’t settle for
less than I deserved. I can count the number of boys I dated, or even showed
interest in on, one hand, because I wasn’t just looking for a good time, I was
looking for the kind of person I would marry.
In all my very careful selection, I never would have guessed
in a million years that I would find that kind of person in my high school
accounting class, in my very small town, sitting across the table from me. To
be honest with you, I didn’t exactly find that kind of person in the beginning.
I found a friend that I really enjoyed talking to and, okay, you can call it
flirting. He was infatuated with me, but I was a little more hesitant.
(Actually to this day, I’m not exactly sure WHY he was so interested in me…. I
was a little guarded and constantly complained about the smell of the maple
donuts he always ate…..maybe it was just the challenge that he found so
appealing) Either way, I agreed to go to
a movie with him and I definitely was attracted to his good looks and
personality. We started spending a lot of time together and after less than a
week, we were in love.
We talked a LOT on the phone and spent a LOT of time
together. We became extremely close, and he was so easy for me to love. This is
where I have to pause and give credit to my in-laws. They raised a son with a
great personality. He is easy to talk to, easy to get along with and very
polite (although incredibly shy until you get to know him…but he is slowly
growing out of that). He has a sense of humor and positive attitude that never
let a frown stick around on anyone’s face for too long! All of these are traits
I see in his mom as well, so I’m going to give her most of the credit for those
things. However, sports played a huge role in his childhood (specifically
baseball and hockey, although he’s tried it all and I doubt there’s physical
activity that he isn’t naturally perfect at! Ha!), and his dad was a big part
of that. I will give him the credit for Drew’s discipline, determination and
respectfulness.
With a guy like that, most girls wouldn’t hesitate at all to
commit, but I knew that there was more he was capable of and more that I wanted
from him. It was a pretty long drawn out process before we were married, but
eventually after a lot of discussion, studying, and influence from much better
examples than me, he finally saw the small piece of the puzzle that actually
meant the most to me. Drew was baptized (by my dad) exactly one week before our
wedding. I knew then that I was safe to leave my dad’s arms for Drew’s.
We are both far from perfect, or even where we want to be as
Christians, but the point is that we are working towards a goal, together.
There’s a book Drew really likes (and I have read as well)
called “How to Hit a Curve Ball, Grill the Perfect Steak, and Become a Real Man”
by Stephen James and David Thomas (who have also written several other books we
LOVE). When we question what it means to be a real man, I like this answer the
best.
“If the
goal of masculinity is an increasing authenticity through the work in our lives
of love, faith, and hope, then the
art of authentic manhood is something we will be practicing for the rest of our lives. In other words, maybe
real manhood is a continual process of becoming, rather than something we attain, say around the age of eighteen,
twenty-one, or whatever age you want
to suggest. Maybe that is what the Bible means when it talks about working out
our salvation with fear
and trembling. We will never get this thing completely right, but that’s by design. Becoming an artist is a life-long
process, and we will be learning how to be ‘real men’ for the rest of our days.” (18) (I couldn't get this to format properly, so yes I am aware that my quote is referenced incorrectly LOL....)
My true point in all this babbling is not that I found or
married a perfect man. Instead, I married a man who loves me enough to try and
be that man and will forever work at being a better man. THAT is why I am so in
love with him and THAT is why he is such a blessing in my life!!!
Here are some verses to close with, since I wasn’t going for
one specific idea here, but a combination of many (There’s a lot, because I
found a LOT that I liked…they are sort of in order of relevance to what I was
writing about):
“Husbands, in the same way be
considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the
weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that
nothing will hinder your prayers.” 1 Peter 3:7
“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic,
love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or
insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that
you may inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:8
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water
through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without
stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same
way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and
cares for it, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his
wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:22-31
“Fathers, do not exasperate your
children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4
“Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All
of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God
opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore,
under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your
anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy
the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers
throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:5-9
“The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before
honor.” Proverbs 15:33
“Whoever believes and is
baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” Mark
16:16
“Therefore, my dear friends, as
you have always obeyed-not only in my presence, but now much more in my
absence-continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is
God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”
Philippians 2:12-13 (This is the verse referenced in the quote from the book)
“Therefore, prepare your minds
for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given
you when Jesus Christ is revealed” 1 Peter 1: 13
