Who knew I was so "un-PC"?? & Forgiveness

Just to make sure we’re all on the same page here, I want to start today’s blog with my own little personal disclaimer. I never would have considered defending myself to my journal, but since I might have an audience (few in number I am sure), I should probably cover all my bases.  Recently I was attacked on Facebook by someone (a family member!) who basically told me I was the stupidest, most annoying drama queen of all his “friends” who posts the most “attention seeking crap”. This person told me I should be ashamed of myself for being such a hypocrite and putting myself on a pedestal above everyone else. My initial reaction was of course shock! I had no idea he was keeping a tally of everything I had ever posted in the last 4 years and I had no idea it bothered him that much! My next reaction was to question why he didn’t simply delete me years ago if it’s been so unbearable to read what I write about! Obviously I was very hurt by these comments, not only because I felt they were very hateful, but it’s never ever been my intention to put myself on a pedestal or talk down to anyone. I felt incredibly misunderstood, and like I failed to portray the point I really wanted to make! I don’t intentionally try to hurt people. Please know that my goal with this blog is to simply get some of my feelings out and learn something from myself. I’m not trying to teach or preach to anyone, and I will not claim to have all or even ANY of the right answers! This blog is mostly for me, but my hope is that it can also be used by others, if for no other reason, for comic relief! Please feel free to ignore me and quit reading or even go so far as to delete me at any time (of course that mainly applies to facebook….I suppose the proper term for blogging is “un-follow me”, but I am pretty new at this LOL)!

On to the point….. J

Yesterday in Bible class we were discussing forgiveness. The “opener” to the lesson was a story of four teenagers. Three young men were killed in an automobile accident when they chose to get into a vehicle with an intoxicated young woman driving. At the boys’ funerals, their parents pleaded with those mourning to not blame her for their deaths, but to forgive her and work to raise awareness about making good choices. The boys’ parents all said they forgave the young lady and realized their sons made choices that night too. They committed themselves to move forward with an attitude of love towards the girl, who would now forever face the consequences of her decisions that night. This reaction goes against any human’s natural instinct. It’s much more difficult to forgive someone than to be bitter and hold a grudge, but it’s also more rewarding and better for both of you in the long run.

I felt like this lesson came at the perfect time, because I have been struggling with forgiveness for quite a while now. I don’t want to mention any names, out of respect, but recently I have been hurt by a family member. I have been struggling to try and mend a relationship that’s been a little rocky over the past seven years. The biggest struggle I am having is that I don’t know exactly what is happening or why our relationship always seems to be falling apart. Emotions such as jealousy and pride seem to be a huge stumbling block for us, and I am also not entirely sure that this person is even aware of how I feel or how much I have been hurt. Obviously communication is a huge barrier for us as well. That and the fact that sometimes I feel (whether it’s accurate or not) that I am the only one who actually cares enough to want to fix everything. When people don’t wear their emotions on their sleeve (like I do…LOL) it’s hard for me to read them and know what they even want! After shedding many tears on my husband’s shoulders, he finally just told me recently that I need to be the bigger person in this situation. If I want to make a relationship work between us, I have to be the one who is always trying harder. In this situation, this means closing old wounds from years ago, and forgiving without ever receiving apologies. Of course there are always two sides to a relationship, so I know I have probably hurt this other person as well.

So taking it back to class, we discussed a lot of different verses in the bible, but a few really stuck.

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” – Matthew 6:14-15 I have never pretended to be perfect, and there’s a list of things I’ve done (that’s WAY too long!!) that have required God’s love and forgiveness. How can I even ask that from him, when I’m hesitant or even unwilling to do the same for the people I love?

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” – Colossians 3:12-14 I wear the name Christian and want to have a truly loving heart, so I need to start acting like it!

So after some reflection, I decided what I really want is a REAL relationship with this person. I want to be able to call this person on the phone without any awkwardness. I want to love this person and feel loved in return. I want to be a good example to my sons, so they will grow to be the men they should be. This is me, putting it in writing, for my own records, that I am dedicated to mending this relationship and making a solid effort. I know that sort of sounds ridiculous, but I need a way to hold myself accountable. I want to remember these verses as motivation to keep doing the right thing, even when it’s frustrating!

I also found a few quotes online that I liked:

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

“Forgiveness is the oil of relationships”